Blood, Sweat, Milk & Tears
What to get your friend who just had a baby.
I had a baby six weeks ago. It feels almost impossible to put the experience into words, which is probably why there are so few well-written accounts of childbirth and postpartum. And also why people don’t really talk about it except for with those who have also been through it.
I feel… fundamentally transformed and deeply myself? More animal and more human than ever. Equal parts grateful and horrified. Feral.
The first two weeks after August was born were raw and surreal. There was a lot of blood, copious nights sweats (hormones, apparently), a lot of milk spilled on freshly washed clothes, and a lot of tears. I wept at the faintest shift in the emotional breeze—out of joy at the sight of my husband holding the baby, out of frustration at the baby nurse’s suggestion that I had purchased the wrong kind of baby bathtub, out of exhaustion every time the sun went down and came back up again. I had vivid, psychotic, half-awake dreams that I had lost the baby in the bed—something every other mother I texted assured me is “normal.” (????)
Now, I feel a whole lot better and less insane. And ready to write stuff again. If you have a friend who just had a baby, here are a few ideas for gifts they will absolutely 100% appreciate. (If you are a person who is about to have a baby, I also made this doc for my friends with a list of useful supplies to add to a registry or buy for yourself. It leans New York-y just FYI…)
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A Copy of Rachel Cusk’s A Life’s Work
Raw, insightful and far better and more relatable than that other, more recent and highly publicized book about postpartum horrors. Cusk got torn apart when this came out. I understand why but also… she’s right.
If she’s breastfeeding, this is a ridiculous but invaluable accessory. I like the S’well one with the stainless steel straw and drain it 2-3 times a day. Pair with a jar of Moon Juice electrolyte powder or a couple of sticks of Liquid I.V. for good measure.
Another breastfeeding essential. Prevents crying over spilt milk (on the mom’s part).
Four Giant Tubs of Baby Aquaphor
You go through them faster than you’d think. Need to frost that butt like a cupcake.
A Copy of How to Baby by Liana Fink
I got a couple of real LOLs out of this one.
Several things about our hospital stay brought me to the verge of a nervous breakdown. Attempting to swaddle effectively with those stripey blankets was one of them. Make it easy.
Two Pairs of Footie Pajamas
The softest and cutest are from Kissy Kissy, Babycottons and Magnetic Me. The Roller Rabbit ones are also classic. Get one in 0-3 Months and another in 3-6 Months, or even 6-9 Months. Unless they have a preemie, avoid buying gifts in Newborn size because the baby may have already grown out of it by the time the package arrives.
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A Fat Stack of Lasagnes from Acquolina To Go
They come in four-portion sizes that fit easily into the freezer and there are few things more nourishing and delicious.
Stroller MVP. Makes the baby look like a little elf.
Three Hatch Nursing & Pumping Bras
Sturdy, comfortable, almost elegant. Need at least three if not four.
A 16-Pack of Coterie Wipes
They are superior to all other wipes. Sorry!
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A Bear Wearing a Monogrammed Sweater
The Monogram Shop in East Hampton sells bears (and bunnies) wearing old J. Crew-style cotton roll necks that you can adorn with the baby’s name or initials. When the baby is big enough, he or she can wear the sweater. When the baby outgrows it, it goes back onto the bear. Incredibly cute.
Most baby carriers look like medical devices. This one looks like part of your outfit, which I think makes it worth every penny. My husband wears it with the panache of a guy who just slipped on a freshly tailored suit.
Blissful and helpful. You can even splurge on an at-home visit.
An Elsa Peretti Silver Baby Brush
My very chic aunt got us this one, monogrammed with his name. It’s deeply glamorous, the bristles are very soft, and we use it multiple times a day. If you are the type who simply must get them something silver from Tiffany & Co., at least make it useful.
Anything from Bonpoint
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A Baby Nurse
For six weeks minimum. The good ones book out eight or nine months in advance.